Halloween 8: The Myer's House
by ben1981
Summary: This is my finished script for Halloween 8. It has the same plot as Halloween: Resurrection, but it's way different. It's actually pretty funny, I think except for the opening with Laurie Strode which is dead serious. Read and Review.


BEN WASDEN  
  
PRESENTS  
  
HALLOWEEN 8: THE MYER'S HOUSE  
  
.This Halloween, return to the house where it all began.  
  
First of all, let me start off by saying that I don't own the rights to the Halloween series or any of the characters. In my script for HALLOWEEN 8, there are many loose ends that are tied up, including what happened to Jamie Lloyd. You will find out in my script, for she is one of the main characters and she is out for revenge against Michael. Also, you find out what happened to John Tate and his girlfriend, Molly. I have seen the movie, HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION. Though I really enjoyed that film, I will try to make things as different as possible. I hope you enjoy my script.  
  
Thanks for reading,  
  
Ben Wasden.  
  
  
  
Cast:  
  
Midge Carpenter as Jennifer Cummings Eddie Griffin as Detective McKnight Danielle Harris as Jamie Lloyd Paul Walker as Christopher Majors Erika Christensen as Amanda Moore Ashton Kutcher as Justin Bryant Eliza Dushku as Michelle Pleasance Shane West as Brad Russell  
  
With Special Appearances by:  
  
Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode Bruce Campbell as Dr. Sloane And Brad Loree as Michael Myers  
  
  
  
  
  
FADE IN:  
  
TITLE SEQUENCE:  
  
SPRINGDALE, CALIFORNIA OCTOBER 31, 2001 SPRINGDALE SANITARIUM  
  
We are outside Springdale Sanitarium on Halloween night. It is 8:30 pm. Fluorescent lights illuminate the darkness of the night. There is a figure standing in front of the building. We do not see him, but we sense his presence. This figure is Michael Myers. We began walking toward the building, slowly. We can hear his heavy breathing and his soft footsteps. We now enter the building along with Michael.  
  
Inside Springdale Sanitarium:  
  
Now inside the sanitarium, we see a man sitting behind the front desk. This man's name is William Lusting. We see that he is drawing a picture of a jack-o-lantern, a no. 2 pencil gripped tightly in his hand. He looks up and sees Michael Myers enter the building. Myers' back is to Lusting, so he can't see his face.  
  
William: Hey, you can't come in here like this. May I help you?  
  
Michael glances over at William. We see his face for the first time, covered by the evil mask that we know so well. William recognizes him instantly as Michael walks over to the front desk.  
  
William: Jesus, you're Michael Myers.  
  
Michael grabs William's pencil out of his hand and stabs him in the chest with it. Bright red blood oozes down William's shirt. Michael takes the pencil out of William's chest and stabs him again, and again, and again until William is dead. Michael takes the pencil out of William's chest one final time and watches as William slumps forward onto the desk. Michael examines his handiwork for a few seconds and begins to delve deeper into the sanitarium.  
  
Nurses lounge:  
  
We see two nurses, Brandy Cobbs and Julie Cannon. They are sitting across from one another at a small table in the nurses' lounge. Brandy is a brunette, 23, and Julie is a blonde, 22.  
  
Brandy: So, are you going out with Josh again?  
  
Julie: I don't know. I've already slept with him. I usually dump guys after that.  
  
Brandy: You are such a slut.  
  
Julie: Hey, at least I get laid every once and a while. When was the last time you had a dick in your mouth, junior high?  
  
Brandy: Hey, just because I don't talk about what goes on in my bedroom doesn't mean that it doesn't happen.  
  
Julie: Whatever.  
  
Suddenly, there is a loud noise outside the nurse's lounge. Both of the young women exchange looks of fear.  
  
Brandy: What was that?  
  
Julie: I don't know. Why don't you go have a look?  
  
Brandy: No way. It might be the boogeyman.  
  
Julie: The boogeyman?  
  
Brandy: Yeah, Michael Myers. You've never heard of him?  
  
Julie: I just moved here from New York last year. What's the story?  
  
Brandy: Well, there's a patient here by the name of Laurie Strode. He tried to kill her 23 years ago in Haddonfield, Illinois.  
  
Julie: What's your point?  
  
Brandy: Would you just let me finish? That's only the beginning.  
  
Julie: Okay, okay. Just hurry up, okay.  
  
Brandy: He came to California three years ago to finish off Laurie, but she killed him instead. Or at least she thought she did at the time.  
  
Julie: What do you mean, she thought she did?  
  
Brandy: Well, it turns out that she killed the wrong man.  
  
Julie: Okay, you have my attention now. Continue.  
  
Brandy: The man that Laurie decapitated wasn't Michael, but a teenage boy who was dressed as Michael Myers for Halloween.  
  
Julie: Oh my god, that's horrible.  
  
Brandy: Yes it is. Laurie stabbed the actual Michael Myers and he fell out of a two-story window, but he survived. After falling out of the window, he left the scene. Coincidentally, Michael met this guy on the street who was dressed exactly like him, and wearing the same exact mask. Michael murdered him and put his body in the same place his had been earlier. When the ambulance came, they loaded the boy in, thinking it was Michael. Boy, were they wrong. Michael escaped once again and he hasn't been seen or heard of from since.  
  
Julie: Wow, that's something.  
  
Brandy: You haven't heard the worst of it yet.  
  
Julie: You mean there's more?  
  
Brandy: Would you like to know why Laurie is here in this sanitarium for the criminally insane?  
  
Julie: Why?  
  
Brandy: For murder.  
  
Julie: Murder?  
  
Brandy: Yes. After Laurie killed the wrong man, she went completely nuts. Exactly one year after, she murdered her son and his girlfriend with a big, sharp kitchen knife after they told her that they wanted to get married.  
  
Julie: Oh my god. I can't believe that all of this happened. And Laurie's been here ever since?  
  
Brandy: Ever since.  
  
Julie: Can I see her? I want to see her.  
  
Brandy: I don't think that's safe. She is a murderer, remember.  
  
Julie: I just want to look in on her. You know, out of curiosity.  
  
Brandy: Okay, follow me.  
  
Both of the young women stand up and make their way out of the lounge and into the hall. Once they're in the hall, we see Michael Myers watching them. He is breathing heavily. Brandy suddenly stops and grabs Julie by the arm.  
  
Julie: What's wrong?  
  
Brandy: Hey, do you hear that?  
  
Julie: Yeah, now that you mention it. It sounds like breathing.  
  
Brandy: Exactly.  
  
Brandy and Julie both turn around and begin to scream as they look into the eyes of Michael Myers, who is watching them motionless.  
  
Brandy (nervously): Michael Myers is here. Run!!!  
  
Brandy and Julie begin running down the hallway, turning every few seconds to see how far behind Michael is. Brandy suddenly stops when they reach a door with the words printed DR. BRUCE SLOANE.  
  
Brandy (out of breath): Quick. In here.  
  
Brandy and Julie duck into Dr. Sloane's office and Brandy quickly locks the door. We see that she is trembling all over.  
  
Julie: What are we going to do?  
  
Brandy: I don't know. Dr. Sloane obviously isn't in here. He must be visiting a patient.  
  
Julie: Well we have to do something. Let's call the police.  
  
Brandy: Yes. I don't know why I didn't think of that before.  
  
Julie walks over to Dr. Sloane's desk and nervously picks up his phone. We zoom in on her face, revealing her eyes, which are full of fear. She aimlessly drops the phone to the floor, it making a soft thud.  
  
Brandy: What is it?  
  
Julie: The phone is dead. He must have cut the phone lines.  
  
Brandy: What do we do? We have no phone and Dr. Sloane is gone. I'm so scared.  
  
Both Brandy and Julie jump in unison as the door begins to rattle. Michael is trying to get inside.  
  
Brandy: Oh no.  
  
Julie (whispering): Just be quiet. Maybe he'll go away.  
  
Sure enough, after about thirty seconds Michael stops trying to open the office door, realizing that it is locked.  
  
Brandy (letting out a sigh of relief): Wow. That was close.  
  
Julie: Tell me about it.  
  
Then all of a sudden, a large butcher knife slices into the door, cutting the door in half. The women stare in shock as they come face to face with the infamous Michael Myers, his knife gripped tightly in his right hand. There is nowhere to run or hide as Michael walks toward the hysterical twosome. Julie picks up a large vase from Dr. Sloane's desk. She looks at it for a few seconds, and then hurls it at Michael.  
  
Julie: Take that, you psycho.  
  
The vase hits Michael in the head, but it doesn't slow him down. He grabs Julie by the arm and pins her up against the wall. He is interrupted by her friend.  
  
Brandy: Don't hurt her, Michael.  
  
Michael turns to see Brandy holding a pair of scissors, a look of fury on her face. He continues to watch her, but he doesn't loosen his grip on Julie.  
  
Brandy: Laurie might have let you get away, but you aren't getting away from me you son of a bitch.  
  
Brandy lifts the scissors high in the air and stabs Michael in the neck with them. She looks on in horror as Michael grabs the scissors out of his neck and hurls them across the room.  
  
Brandy: Oh shit.  
  
Julie: Brandy, run.  
  
Brandy starts to run past Michael, but he grabs her around the waist and pushes her up against Julie. He then takes his knife and slices it into Brandy's back, the knife making its way into Julie's stomach. Both of them die instantly. We move back to watch the knife as it is embedded in both Brandy and Julie. Michael pulls the knife out of Brandy's back and we watch as they both drop lifelessly to the floor. Michael steps over their bodies and makes his way out of the office and back into the hall. We zoom in once again on Brandy and Julie lying in a pool of blood.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Laurie's room.  
  
We see Laurie lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She has short hair, as she did in H20. However, it is now dyed jet black. Laurie looks rough, as if she hasn't slept or eaten in days. Suddenly there is a knock on the door. We look to see Dr. Sloane walk into Laurie's room, quietly shutting the door behind him. Laurie makes no move to sit up.  
  
Dr. Sloane: How are you feeling, Laurie.  
  
Laurie: I feel like slitting my wrists.  
  
Dr. Sloane: Well, that's perfectly understandable. After all, it is Halloween. Not your favorite holiday, is it?  
  
Laurie suddenly sits up from her bed. She looks up at Dr. Sloane, pure hatred in her eyes.  
  
Laurie: That's very funny, Doctor.  
  
Dr. Sloane: I didn't mean it as a joke.  
  
Laurie: I know what you meant, Doctor. I wasn't born yesterday. I was born forty years ago in Haddonfield, Illinois.  
  
Dr. Sloane: You never talk much about Haddonfield. Why is that?  
  
Laurie: You know why. Don't act like you don't.  
  
Dr. Sloane: Right. That's where you're friends were supposedly sliced up by the boogeyman. Michael Myers, as you call him.  
  
Laurie: He killed all of my friends. All of them.  
  
Dr. Sloane: Come on, Laurie. We've went over this a thousand times. There is no Michael Myers. You did it all. You killed them.  
  
Laurie: And now I'm going to kill you, you bastard.  
  
We see Laurie remove a large knife from under her pillow. She holds it in her hand, as if it were money. This knife made her feel like a whole person.  
  
Dr. Sloane: Put that away, Laurie. You have no use for that.  
  
Laurie (getting up from the bed): Sure I do. I want to kill you just like Michael killed my son.  
  
Dr. Sloane: No, Laurie. You killed you're son, not Michael.  
  
Laurie: Screw you.  
  
Laurie grabs a nearby chair and heaves it at Dr. Sloane. It hits him in the skull, causing him to stumble to the floor. Before he has a chance to get up, Laurie grabs him by the throat and holds him down.  
  
Laurie: I'm really sorry I have to do this doctor, but you leave me no choice.  
  
Laurie takes her knife and slashes Dr. Sloane across the throat. He dies instantly, blood spurting from his throat.  
  
Laurie: It was nice knowing you, doctor. I'm sorry I can't stay and chat, but I have a feeling that Michael is here. I want to surprise him.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Hall.  
  
We see Michael as he is walking the halls, searching for his sister. His blood soaked knife is still gripped in his hand. The blood from the knife is dripping continuously on the floor. Suddenly, a door slams open causing Michael to stop in his tracks. We see Laurie descend from a nearby room. She is now standing directly behind Michael. He turns around and faces her. Brother and sister meet again, both of them holding bloody knives.  
  
Laurie: Hi Michael. Long time, no see. Did you miss me, Michael. Did you miss trying to kill me. Did you miss killing everyone that I cared about. Everyone that I loved. I missed you.  
  
Michael just stares at Laurie, his heavy breathing increasing.  
  
Laurie: I've been waiting for you for two years. Two long years. I was hoping that you would come where I could finally put evil in its place. It's showtime. Trick or treat.  
  
Laurie raises her knife and begins stabbing Michael in the heart relentlessly. After stabbing him approximately nine times, Laurie takes the knife out of Michael's heart and watches as he stumbles to the floor, appearing to be dead. Laurie drops her knife, bends down and removes the madman's mask. We finally see Michael's face, which is full of scars and bruises. Laurie reaches out her hand and softly begins running her hands through Michael's brown hair. Tears begin to run down her face.  
  
Laurie: I love you Michael.  
  
Laurie turns her back to Michael, thinking that he is dead. We see Michael sit up behind her. He then gets up and grabs both his knife and the one that she had dropped.  
  
Laurie (her eyes closed, as if in prayer): May you burn in hell.  
  
Laurie turns around to see Michael's body one last time, but Michael isn't there. There is only a dark pool of blood. The knives are gone as well.  
  
Laurie: Oh no.  
  
We see that Michael is now standing behind her, armed with both butcher knives. Before Laurie can move, Michael picks her body up from the floor, and stabs her from behind. Her mouth opens wide in surprise. Michael then takes the other knife and stabs her in the heart. Michael lets her body drop to the floor. Laurie is dead.  
  
Fade out  
  
The opening credits begin. We hear John Carpenter's original score in the background, as a huge jack-o lantern takes up about half the screen.  
  
End opening credits  
  
Fade in:  
  
Haddonfield, Illinois Present Day Dr. Smith's office  
  
We are outside. We are looking at a small building, which happens to be Dr. Rhonda Smith's office. Dr. Smith is Jamie Lloyd's psychologist. She has been for almost 14 years now. Ever since the night that Michael tried to kill Jamie. Tried and failed. We then move inside to see Jamie sitting in a small room across from Dr. Smith. Jamie is now 22 years old. She is attending her third year of college is Haddonfield University. She has medium length black hair. Dr. Smith is an attractive woman, middle-aged, 43 years old. She has short brown hair.  
  
Dr. Smith: What would you like to talk about today, Jamie?  
  
Jamie: My mom.  
  
Dr. Smith: Yes, I can understand that. Tomorrow will be the one-year anniversary since her death, if I'm not mistaken.  
  
Jamie: Yes.  
  
Dr. Smith: How do you feel about that?  
  
Jamie: Sad. I miss her. I know I didn't get to see her much, but I still miss her.  
  
Dr. Smith: Why didn't she take you to California with her? I know that you told me a while back, but my memory isn't as good as it used to be.  
  
Jamie: She thought that I would be safer here. She thought that Michael would eventually find her even though she did change her name. He did end up finding her, but he found me first.  
  
Dr. Smith: Are you afraid that he'll find you again?  
  
Jamie: I think about it all the time. He hasn't been in Haddonfield in years though. I think that he's back now. I'm waiting for him. Tomorrow's Halloween. I'm going to his house for some stupid exploitative web cast. Everyone thinks I'm just going for fun, but I'm not. I'm going for revenge. I want to watch Michael die.  
  
Suddenly there is a knock at the door.  
  
Dr. Smith: I'm sorry. Let me get that.  
  
Dr. Smith stands up from her chair and walks over to the front door. She pulls it open to reveal Michael Myers and his shiny knife. Before she even has a chance to scream, Michael takes his knife and slashes Dr. Smith across the throat so hard that it decapitates her. Her head rolls to the floor, as does her body. Jamie grabs the chair that she was sitting in and throws it at Michael, hitting him in the arm. It doesn't stop him.  
  
Jamie: Stay back Michael. PLEASE!!!  
  
Michael continues to walk toward Jamie, his bloody knife raised high in the air. Jamie steps back and realizes that someone is standing behind her. She turns around to see another man dressed as Michael Myers standing behind her. He also has a knife. Then yet another man dressed as Michael walks out of a nearby closet. All three of the masked men enclose her. They push her onto the floor and all three of them begin stabbing her over and over until she is one bloody mess.  
  
Fade to black  
  
We hear a scream. We then see that Jamie is sitting up in her bed, sweating and shaking uncontrollably. She was dreaming all along. She is relieved yet terrified at the same time.  
  
Bathroom:  
  
Jamie is now in the bathroom. She opens her medicine cabinet and pulls out a bottle of Aspirin. She takes two pills and washes it down with water. She places the bottle of Aspirin back in the medicine cabinet and closes the cabinet. She then lets out a gasp as she sees Michael Myers looking back at her in the mirror. She turns around to see that no one is there. Jamie turns on the faucet and begins running cold water all over her face. She then turns off the faucet and looks into the mirror one last time. Michael Myers isn't looking back at her this time. It was all her imagination. She walks over to her shower and pulls back the curtain. No boogeyman there either.  
  
Jamie: This is crazy.  
  
Jamie walks back into her bedroom and removes a small pistol from up under her pillow. She looks at the pistol, smiling.  
  
Jamie: Tomorrow, Michael is mine. He'll wish that he never messed with me and my family. He'll wish that he never messed with anyone.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Outside Haddonfield University  
  
We see Michael Myers standing outside. He is looking up at Jamie's window. He is watching and waiting. He knows what she has planned for Halloween. He can't wait. Michael is back in Haddonfield.  
  
HADDONFIELD, ILLINOIS OCTOBER 31, 2002 HALLOWEEN  
  
Cut to:  
  
Jennifer Cummings apartment.  
  
We are inside Jennifer Cummings apartment. From someone's POV, we enter the kitchen. We open a drawer and take out a large butcher knife. We then walk into the hall and stand outside of Jennifer's bathroom. Jennifer is in the shower. We open the bathroom door a crack, just enough to take a peek.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Shower  
  
Jennifer is taking a shower, the warm water spraying her beautiful body. Jennifer is 27 years old. She has long blonde hair, and she is a real estate agent. She is the woman who will be hosting the webcast from Michael Myers' home. As Jennifer is rubbing her body down with a bar of dove soap, she hears a noise from outside the bathroom.  
  
Jennifer (loudly): Hello! Is someone there?  
  
There is no answer. Jennifer turns off the water and wraps herself in a burgundy towel. Stepping out of the shower, Jennifer notices that the bathroom door is slightly ajar.  
  
Jennifer: That's funny. I thought sure that I closed that door.  
  
Jennifer walks out into the hall, a little nervous. She is curious as to what is going on. Now in the living room, Jennifer sees that the front door is wide open.  
  
Jennifer: Oh my goodness. Now I know I didn't leave that open.  
  
Jennifer walks over and shuts the front door, then locks it. She looks around the room, seeing that nothing appears to be missing.  
  
Jennifer: Whoever you are, I'd leave if I were you. I'm fixing to call the cops.  
  
There is no answer. Jennifer walks over to her cordless phone and picks it up. Before she can turn it on, it rings in her hand. She nearly drops the phone. After two rings, she answers it.  
  
Jennifer (nervously): Hello.  
  
Jennifer is greeted with heavy breathing from the other line.  
  
Jennifer: Who is this?  
  
From someone's POV, we are standing right behind Jennifer. We then grab Jennifer from behind. She starts screaming and drops the phone. She turns around to see someone in a scary mask, wielding a large kitchen knife, erupt in laughter. The figure takes off the mask and we see that it is Brad Russell, not Michael Myers.  
  
Jennifer: What the hell are you doing here? How did you get in?  
  
Brad: I have a key, remember. Besides, aren't you happy to see me? I mean, I am you're boyfriend.  
  
Jennifer: You scared the crap out of me. I guess that's what I get for screwing an eighteen year old. You're so immature.  
  
Brad: But the sex is good, right?  
  
Jennifer: Yeah, it's good.  
  
Brad: Come on, don't be mad. I just wanted to prepare you for the webcast, that's all. I mean we are going to visit the house of infamous killer Michael Myers. You're likely to see some scary stuff.  
  
Jennifer: I know, I know. Just don't do it again okay.  
  
Brad: Okay. You look really sexy in that towel. Why don't you take it off?  
  
Jennifer: Brad, we have to leave in less than an hour. Can you stop thinking about sex for that long. We can do some stuff when we get there.  
  
Brad: Come on, can't I at least see my girlfriend naked. Just for one second.  
  
Jennifer: Fine. You teenage boys are always horny. I guess that's why I like them young.  
  
Jennifer takes off her towel and we basically see everything.  
  
Jennifer: Do you like what you see?  
  
Brad (blushing): Maybe you need to go get ready. My volcano is about to erupt.  
  
Jennifer walks away and we see her small, yet attention-grabbing butt.  
  
Brad: That woman does have a beautiful ass. I love being me.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Haddonfield University Christopher Majors' and Justin Bryant's apartment  
  
Christopher Majors is standing in his room, brushing his short blonde hair. He looks in the mirror and seems to be satisfied with what he sees.  
  
Christopher: Damn, I look fine. Girls, here I come.  
  
Christopher walks out of his room and into the hall.  
  
Christopher: Justin, where are you man? We need to go.  
  
Justin (sounded annoyed by Christopher): I'm in the bathroom.  
  
Christopher: What are you doing?  
  
Justin: I'm jacking off. Now, will you please just go away and let me have five minutes alone with myself.  
  
Christopher: Well, we need to go if we want to get there on time.  
  
Justin: Okay, okay. I'll be out in a minute.  
  
Inside the bathroom, we see Justin Bryant for the first time. He has wavy, light black hair. It looks as if it hasn't been brushed in a few days. Justin flushes the toilet and zips his jeans. He then exits the bathroom and walks out into the hall, where Christopher is standing.  
  
Christopher (smiling): Did you have fun?  
  
Justin: Very funny, dude. Are you ready to go or what? I'm ready for an adventure.  
  
Christopher: Then let's go.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Haddonfield University Jamie Lloyd's Apartment  
  
We find Jamie standing in her bedroom. She is looking out her bedroom window. She sees college kids walking about outside. Her eyes then wander to right outside her bedroom window. She sees Michael Myers standing outside, looking up at her. Jamie closes her eyes, and then she opens them to find that Michael is no longer there. Suddenly, Jamie's door slams open and her roommates, Amanda Moore and Michelle Pleasance enter the room.  
  
Amanda: Hey, are you ready to go?  
  
Jamie: Yeah. Sure. Just go on, and I'll be out in a minute.  
  
Michelle: Okay. I love your shirt. Where'd you get it?  
  
Jamie (a tear forming in her eye): My mom sent it to me a few years ago. I just never had the occasion to where it.  
  
Michelle: Cool. Well, we'll be waiting outside.  
  
Jamie: Okay.  
  
Both Amanda and Michelle leave Jamie's bedroom and head outside. Jamie lifts up her pants leg and pulls out her pistol. Jamie: Michael, today your ass is mine.  
  
Cut to:  
  
THE MYER'S HOUSE  
  
Outside the Myer's house, all five of the college students are standing, looking up at the dreaded HOUSE OF EVIL.  
  
Michelle: Jesus. And I thought that the House on Haunted Hill looked creepy.  
  
Jennifer: You haven't been inside yet.  
  
All of the students turn to see Jennifer Cummings and her boyfriend, Brad standing behind them.  
  
Jennifer: Hi, I'm Jennifer Cummings. I'm the one who's hosting the webcast today.  
  
Justin: Well, you can host my webcast any day, baby.  
  
Jennifer (putting her arm around Brad): This is my boyfriend, Brad Russell.  
  
Brad (pointing to a nearby trailer): Hi. If any of you hear any moaning coming from the trailer over there, that's me getting laid.  
  
Jennifer is apparently angered by this remark. She hits Brad on the back of the head.  
  
Jennifer: Is that all you can think about is sex?  
  
Brad: Hey, a guy has needs.  
  
Jennifer: I would like for our sex life to be private.  
  
Brad: It is, except for that time that I videotaped us and sent it to all of the guys in the dorm.  
  
Jennifer: What? You videotaped us having sex?  
  
Michelle (clearing her throat): Can we just get on with this.  
  
Justin (smiling): Come on. I was kind of enjoying it.  
  
Michelle: I just bet you were.  
  
Justin: Hey, weren't you that girl that starred in the BLAIR BITCH PROJECT.  
  
Michelle: Screw you and your mother.  
  
Jennifer: All right. Here's the deal. All five of you will stay in the house until midnight. You will be on camera and people will be able to see you via online. If you survive the night, you will each win 10,000 dollars. Brad and I will be in that trailer over there (pointing to the small trailer sitting right beside the house.) Are there any questions?  
  
Michelle: Yeah. What do we if Michael Myers comes back and he finds five oversexed college students crashing in his pad?  
  
Jennifer: Don't be silly. Michael hasn't been in Haddonfield since 1995.  
  
Justin (laughing): Yeah, he's been too busy cutting up people in other areas of the country.  
  
Jamie (angry): I don't think that's funny.  
  
Justin: Well, frankly I don't care what you think.  
  
Christopher: Hey, cut it out man.  
  
Justin: Well she started it.  
  
Jennifer: All right. Is everyone ready to enter the house of madman Michael Myers?  
  
Justin (excited): I am ready, baby.  
  
Jennifer: Good. Then let the stabbings, I mean games begin.  
  
All five of the college students begin walking into the house, single file. Christopher is last of the five in line. He doesn't see that Brad is walking right behind him.  
  
Brad (grabbing Christopher's butt): Hi, stud.  
  
Christopher: Dude, did you just put your hand up my crack.  
  
Brad: I know I'm here with Jennifer, but I think you and me could definitely have some fun together. What do you say?  
  
Christopher (angrily): I say get on your hands and knees and blow me, you pervert.  
  
Brad: All right. Now you're talking.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Trailer.  
  
Jennifer is sitting at the computer, watching as the five students make their way into the Myer's house. She is distracted when Brad enters the trailer.  
  
Brad: What's shaking.  
  
Jennifer: Your neck if I could ever get my hand around it.  
  
Brad: Come on. Don't tell me you're still mad about the whole videotape thing.  
  
Jennifer: I'm not mad. I'm furious. How could you do something like that?  
  
Brad: Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.  
  
Brad walks over to where Jennifer is sitting and begins kissing her neck. She backs off instantly.  
  
Jennifer: Not now, Brad. I'm not in the mood.  
  
Brad: You're never in the mood.  
  
Jennifer: Oh really. Then what would you call what we did last night.  
  
Brad: Having sex.  
  
Jennifer: Exactly.  
  
Brad: I want to do it now. Jennifer, I'm so hard I'm about to come out of my jeans.  
  
Jennifer: I'll tell you what. You do something for me, and I'll do something for you.  
  
Brad: Anything to screw my girlfriend.  
  
Jennifer: You're very subtle, you know that.  
  
Brad: Thank you. Now what do you want me to do.  
  
Jennifer: Go to the bathroom, and you'll find the Michael Myers costume. It was on sale this morning at Spencer's.  
  
Brad: What's your point?  
  
Jennifer: My point is that I want you to put on the costume and go into the house and scare those college losers.  
  
Brad: Why? Isn't that kind of cruel?  
  
Jennifer: No. It'll help the webcast. Look at how boring it's going now.  
  
They look up the computer to see that the students are just standing around talking, basically about nothing.  
  
Brad: I get your drift. All right, I'll go scare their pants off. Oh, and Jennifer.  
  
Jennifer: What?  
  
Brad: If you see me ripping off that blonde guy's clothes, don't pay any attention. It's only for the show.  
  
Jennifer (confused): Okay.  
  
Brad: I'll be out in a minute, dressed to KILL.  
  
Jennifer: Very cute.  
  
Brad enters the bathroom and immediately finds the Michael Myers costume. He picks it up and examines it.  
  
Brad: Cool.  
  
Brad begins removing his clothes, until he is only wearing his Scooby Doo underwear.  
  
We move into the shower. From inside the shower, we are seeing everything from Michael's point of view. He is standing, hidden behind the shower curtain. He watches as Brad steps into the Michael Myer's costume, and then puts on the Myer's mask. When Brad is fully dressed as Michael Myers, the real Michael Myers steps out of the shower. Brad is immediately aware of him.  
  
Brad: Hey dude. Did you get your costume at Spencer's too?  
  
Before Brad can say another word, Michael grabs him and pulls him up off of the floor. Brad's eyes are full of fear. Michael looks into Brad's eyes for a few seconds, then turns his body around and smashes his head through the bathroom mirror. Blood spatters all over the mirror as Brad's limp body falls to the floor. Michael stoops over Brad's all ready dead body and begins stabbing him in the stomach.  
  
Jennifer is sitting in front of the computer, watching the obviously boring webcast, when Michael Myers walks out of the bathroom. Jennifer turns around to get a good look at him. She looks him over, then lets her eyes drop to his blood soaked knife.  
  
Jennifer: Wow. You look scary. And the bloody knife is such a good touch. Go knock em' DEAD, Brad.  
  
Michael Myers just looks at Jennifer and then exits the trailer, shutting the door behind him.  
  
Jennifer: It feels so good to finally have a boyfriend who's so full of LIFE.  
  
Exit trailer  
  
We see from Michael's POV, his house. It looks especially creepy now that it is dark out. The windows are all boarded up. Standing outside his house, Michael looks up at a second-story window. The window to his sister Judith's bedroom. Suddenly, the shade is drawn back and Judith appears.  
  
Judith: Come in, Michael. I've been waiting for you.  
  
Michael stares at Judith for a few seconds before she vanishes in thin air. Michael takes Judith's advice and opens the front door to his house, then enters the house.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Trailer  
  
Jennifer is watching the computer screen as Michael enters the house. Her eyes light up.  
  
Jennifer: This is going to be excellent. I knew I could count on Brad.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Michael Myers house  
  
The five college students are standing in the small kitchen, which is littered with cobwebs. Christopher is holding a flashlight.  
  
Christopher: God, when was the last time anyone cleaned in here.  
  
Jamie: 1995.  
  
Christopher: How do you know that?  
  
Jamie: That's the last time anyone lived in this house. It's just a theory.  
  
Michelle: You mean some idiots actually lived here after all that Michael Myers shit happened.  
  
Jamie: They weren't idiots. They were my cousins.  
  
Amanda: What?  
  
Jamie: Listen guys, there are a few things that I think all of you should know.  
  
Christopher: We're listening.  
  
Jamie: I'm not here for the money. I'm here for revenge.  
  
Justin: Like, what kind of revenge?  
  
Jamie: I want to make my uncle Michael pay.  
  
Christopher: Are you telling the truth? Michael Myers is you're uncle.  
  
Jamie: It's not something I'm proud of, but yes. In 1988, he killed my foster sister and he tried to kill me but he didn't succeed. I thought that it was all over, but it was far from over. In 1995, he came back for my cousins who were living in this house at the time. They were Kara and Jamie Strode. In 1998, he found my mother. She was living in California and she had changed her name, but Michael still found her. She was waiting for him. She tried to kill him, but he got away again. Last Halloween, he found my mother in a sanitarium and actually got what he wanted. He murdered my mother.  
  
Amanda (putting her arm around Jamie): Oh my god, how awful for you. Do you think he's coming back again?  
  
Jamie: He always comes back. He's unstoppable. He has survived everything. In 1978, his doctor shot him six times and he survived that. He's survived catching on fire, being stabbed, being hit in the arm with an axe. I don't think that he can be stopped, but at least I can try.  
  
Jamie reaches down and pulls up her pants leg, showing everyone her pistol.  
  
Michelle: Are you kidding us? How come you haven't told all of us this before?  
  
Jamie: Because I didn't think any of you would believe me.  
  
Michelle: Well guess what? I still don't believe you. Michael Myers probably isn't even related to you and he probably has been dead for like ten years. You're just making it up.  
  
Jamie: No I'm not.  
  
Michelle: Whatever. If any of you need me, I'll be elsewhere in the house.  
  
Christopher: What's her problem?  
  
Amanda: Nothing. She always acts like a bitch.  
  
Christopher: Then why do you hang out with her, then?  
  
Amanda: Hey, her personality might suck but she gives great head.  
  
Christopher (looking confused): Oh. Okay.  
  
Justin (motioning to an open drawer): Hey, everyone come here. I just found Mikey's murder weapon.  
  
Everyone gathers around to see that Justin is holding up a large butcher knife. Dried blood is caked all over the knife.  
  
Amanda: Gross. It has blood on it.  
  
Christopher: Gosh, I've never seen a knife so big.  
  
Justin: Please, my dick is much bigger than this thing.  
  
Amanda: Justin, that was just a little too much information.  
  
Christopher: Hey, you don't have to live with the dumbass.  
  
Justin: Hey, I might be dumb but at least I'm not stupid. So back off, you big fat stupid person.  
  
Jamie: Hey, can you guys compare the size of your cocks later. We've been in this kitchen for like 30 minutes. I'm sure everyone watching the webcast is bored stiff.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Trailer  
  
Jennifer: I know I'm bored "stiff." Where the hell is Brad?  
  
Cut to:  
  
Michael Myers kitchen  
  
Amanda (motioning to Justin, who is played by Ashton Kutcher): Hey, has anyone ever told you that you look like the guy who played on DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR?  
  
Justin: You know, I get that all the time.  
  
Amanda: Hey wait a minute. You are him, aren't you. You're Ashton Kutcher.  
  
Justin / Ashton Kutcher (whispering to Amanda where none of the others can hear): Shhh. Don't tell anyone else. I just thought it would be cool to visit the Myer's house. It's always been a dream of mine.  
  
Amanda: Oh, okay.  
  
Christopher: Let's go upstairs. I want to see the room where he murdered his sister.  
  
Jamie: One of his sisters. He had two, remember.  
  
Christopher: Right. Sorry.  
  
As everyone is starting to leave the kitchen, they are interrupted by a loud wail coming from deep inside Amanda's throat. Everyone turns to see Amanda's eyes rolling back in her head.  
  
Jamie: Amanda, what's wrong?  
  
Christopher: Amanda? Talk to us.  
  
Amanda finally looks up at the others. Her eyes are full of hatred. She looks as if she is possessed by the devil.  
  
Amanda: I am not Amanda. I am Judith. Judith Myers.  
  
Jamie: Oh my god. Amanda is possessed by my aunt Judith.  
  
Amanda / Judith: I have come to tell each and every one of you that you must get out. You must get out now. Or Michael will kill you. Just like he killed me. Just like he killed all of the others.  
  
Justin: We have to get the hell out of here, you guys. Cuz this is some scary shit.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Trailer  
  
Jennifer is watching the computer screen. She is seeing what is going on in the kitchen.  
  
Jennifer: Finally something good.  
  
Suddenly, there is a loud bang at the door. Jennifer gets up and goes over to the door and opens it to find Detective Mike McKnight, an African American, 30.  
  
Jennifer: May I help you?  
  
Detective McKnight looks Jennifer over, for he has never seen her before. Judging by the smile on his face, he seems to like what he sees.  
  
Detective McKnight: I ain't got laid in seven years. You can help me anytime.  
  
Jennifer: Excuse me.  
  
Detective McKnight: I thought Britney Spears was fine, but baby girl you got it goin' on with yo' fine ass.  
  
Jennifer: Who are you and what the hell are you doing in my trailer? This is private property, I'll have you know.  
  
Detective McKnight: All right, all right. Don't get your titties all up in a bunch. I'm Detective Mike McKnight, but my girlfriends call me Sex Machine, so your free to call me that.  
  
Jennifer (clearing her throat): Um, Detective McKnight, why are you here?  
  
Detective McKnight: I'm here on police business. I've been watching your webcast and it was boring the hell out of me.  
  
Jennifer: Well, what can I say Detective? I didn't write the script.  
  
Detective McKnight: I've seen Shakespearean plays that weren't that boring.  
  
Jennifer: What's your point? What does all of this have to do with why you're here.  
  
Detective McKnight: Well, I was about to fall asleep since the webcast was so boring. But something caught my eye.  
  
Jennifer: What?  
  
Detective McKnight: Michael Myers, that's what.  
  
Jennifer: No, I'm afraid you're mistaken. That's my boyfriend, Brad Russell.  
  
Detective McKnight: Is that so?  
  
Jennifer: Yes, you see I asked Brad to dress up as Michael Myers where he could scare those pesky college kids. I thought that it would be good for the webcast.  
  
Detective McKnight: Um. How clever.  
  
Jennifer: Well, I'm glad you see it that way.  
  
Detective McKnight: You mean to tell me that I drove my sorry ass all the way out here for nothin'.  
  
Jennifer: It wasn't for nothing. Stay here and we can watch the webcast together.  
  
Detective McKnight: Miss.  
  
Jennifer: Cummings. Jennifer Cummings.  
  
Detective McKnight: Like it matters. Miss Cummings, I would rather have Michael Myers slit my throat that watch your boring ass webcast.  
  
Jennifer: Well I'm sorry you feel that way, Detective.  
  
Detective McKnight: Hey, do you smell that?  
  
Jennifer: No, I don't smell anything.  
  
Detective McKnight: It smells like it's coming from the bathroom.  
  
Jennifer: Well, I'm sure it's nothing.  
  
Detective McKnight: Miss Cummings, I've been a detective for twenty-five years and unless my nose is playing trying tricks on me, which it doesn't do very often, I'd say there's a dead body in that bathroom.  
  
Jennifer: You've been a detective for twenty-five years?  
  
Detective McKnight: Yes, that's what I said.  
  
Jennifer: How old are you?  
  
Detective McKnight: I'm 30. What are you trying to do, make my ass feel old?  
  
Jennifer: No, it's just that you're saying you've been a detective ever since you were five years old.  
  
Detective McKnight: Oh, my mistake. Did I say twenty-five years? I meant two years. I'm not that good with math.  
  
Jennifer: Well, why don't you check out the bathroom. See for yourself.  
  
Detective McKnight: All right, I will.  
  
Detective McKnight walks over to the bathroom and pulls the door open. A look of shock invades his face.  
  
Detective McKnight: Oh my goodness. This is scarier than a Vanilla Ice revival.  
  
Jennifer: What is it?  
  
Detective McKnight: Some white dude is dead up in here.  
  
Jennifer: What?  
  
Jennifer walks over to the bathroom and begins screaming when she sees the body of her boyfriend, Brad, lying in a pool of blood.  
  
Jennifer (laughing): Why am I screaming? I mean, he wasn't that good in bed.  
  
Detective McKnight: You know what Miss Cummings? For a white woman, you're an all right bitch.  
  
Jennifer: Thank you, I think.  
  
Detective McKnight: Now take off all of your clothes where I can hit that ass one time.  
  
Jennifer (apparently appalled by the detective's rude behavior): Please Detective, I'm not that kind of girl.  
  
Detective McKnight: That's what they all say until they've had a tasted of the Sex Machine. Dennis Rodman ain't got nothin' on me.  
  
Jennifer: Uh, Dennis Rodman doesn't have anything on anyone. To change this rather pointless subject, who would kill Brad.  
  
Detective McKnight: I know what's going on. Michael Myers is back in town. Why can't that dude just go away?  
  
Cut to:  
  
Michael Myer's House  
  
In the kitchen, Amanda has just fainted. Christopher, Justin, and Jamie all stoop down and try to wake her.  
  
Jamie: Amanda, are you okay. Amanda.  
  
Amanda (faintly): Where am I? What happened?  
  
Justin: We were visited by the spirit of Judith Myers.  
  
Amanda: Oh my god. I missed that.  
  
Jamie: Amanda, you were possessed by Judith.  
  
Amanda: Oh, that's so freaky.  
  
Justin: You're telling me. I almost wet myself.  
  
Christopher (his eyes focusing on the crotch area of Justin's pants, which has a dark wet stain on it): Justin, are you sure you didn't wet your pants?  
  
Justin (looking down at his crotch as well): Oh no, I suddenly feel like a kid again.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Living room  
  
Michelle is sitting on a sofa in the living room. She is staring up at the ceiling, wondering why she wanted to come to the Myer's house in the first place.  
  
Michelle: Why did I want to come to the Myer's house in the first place. It's just one big joke. A fake.  
  
We see Michael Myers crawl out from behind the sofa. He is holding his trusty knife. He stands up and puts his right hand on Michelle's shoulder. She feels it and begins laughing.  
  
Michelle: Who is that?  
  
Michelle turns around and lets out an earth-shattering scream when she sees Michael Myers looming over her. Michael takes his knife and presses it hard against Michelle's throat. He then slits her throat, dark red blood oozing from the deep cut.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Kitchen  
  
Jamie: Hey, did you guys hear that?  
  
Amanda: Yeah, it sounded like Michelle.  
  
Christopher: Let's go check it out.  
  
Jamie, Amanda, Christopher, and Justin all head into the living room, but they all stop short when they see Michael Myers. Michael Myers holding the dead Michelle in his arms. When Michael sees the foursome, he immediately lets Michelle's corpse fall to the floor.  
  
Jamie: Oh no. Everyone run.  
  
All four of the remaining students run back into the kitchen. Jamie looks back to see that Michael is now in the kitchen as well.  
  
Jamie: Everyone stand back. I've got to take care of this once and for all.  
  
Jamie lifts up her pants leg and removes her gun. She aims it at Michael.  
  
Jamie: I'm tired of running from you, Michael. I'm tired of you killing everyone in my life. You killed my mother and you're not going to get away with that. Do you understand that, you miserable piece of shit. It's time to put an end to your evil ass forever.  
  
Jamie pulls back her gun and shoots Michael in the shoulder. She then shoots him in the chest.  
  
Jamie: Goodbye, Michael.  
  
Jamie shoots Michael in the head and everyone watches as Michael slumps to the floor, appearing to be dead.  
  
Christopher: Is he dead?  
  
Jamie: He better be. I used up all of my bullets.  
  
Justin: Wow, that was wild.  
  
Amanda: Tell me about it. You know, Jamie, you have that Sigourney Weaver thing going on.  
  
Jamie: Thanks, but I don't feel so good right now.  
  
Justin: Why not? Michael's dead. Let's party our asses off.  
  
Jamie: I don't think he's dead.  
  
Christopher: Why not?  
  
Jamie (pointing over to the spot where Michael's body was just a minute before): Because his body's gone.  
  
Justin: Oh crap. What do we do?  
  
Jamie: I hate to say this, but I don't know.  
  
Justin: Well, I'm going to go to the little boy's room.  
  
Jamie: Are you crazy? Michael is still in here somewhere.  
  
Justin: When you've gotta go, you've gotta go.  
  
Just as Justin is on his way to the bathroom, Michael lurches out of a nearby closet and grabs Justin by the neck. Michael is holding an iron.  
  
Justin: You don't scare me. I've seen Pauly Shore movies that were scarier than you.  
  
With that, Michael takes the iron and hits Justin in the face with it repeatedly until he is dead. What's left of Justin's face is a bloody pulp. Michael throws down the iron and retrieves his butcher knife from his pocket. He walks into the kitchen and is greeted by the screams of our three remaining collegians.  
  
Jamie: Crap. Everybody run.  
  
Jamie, Amanda, and Christopher all run toward the living room. Amanda makes the mistake of running right past Michael. Michael grabs her by the hair and puts his knife down her throat. The blade of the knife cuts all the way through to the back of her head. Michael pulls his knife out of Amanda's throat and we see that it covered with gore. He runs his hand over his knife, cleaning it.  
  
Cut to:  
  
Outside the house  
  
Right outside Michael Myer's house stands Jennifer and Detective McKnight. They are both looking at the front door, wondering if they should go into the house.  
  
Detective McKnight: Should we go into the house?  
  
Jennifer: I don't know. You're the detective.  
  
Detective McKnight: Well, you don't have to get smart about it, Miss Priss.  
  
Jennifer: Are we going in there or not.  
  
Detective McKnight: Oh, what the hell. I might get my head chopped off, but at least I'll have my pride.  
  
Jennifer: Okay, let's go.  
  
Detective McKnight: Yeah, let's go kick some psycho ass.  
  
Cut to:  
  
The Myer's House  
  
Jamie and Christopher are now hiding in a closet in an upstairs bedroom. Judith's bedroom.  
  
Christopher (whispering): What are we going to do if he finds us?  
  
Jamie: I don't know. Just pray to God that he doesn't.  
  
Christopher: I've already done that.  
  
Jamie (smiling): Me too.  
  
Jamie whimpers as the door to Judith's bedroom slams open.  
  
Jamie: Oh no. He's going to find us.  
  
Detective McKnight (O.S.): Well, Michael isn't in here.  
  
Jennifer (O.S.): How can you be sure?  
  
Detective McKnight (O.S.): I'm the detective, remember.  
  
Both Jamie and Christopher let out a sigh of relief as they realize that Michael didn't find them. They both climb out of the closet, causing Jennifer to scream and Detective McKnight to arm his gun.  
  
Detective McKnight: Who the hell are you two?  
  
Jennifer: Detective, these are some of the students that were on the webcast. Weren't you paying attention?  
  
Detective McKnight: Well, you don't have to be bitchy about it.  
  
Jennifer: Where's Michael?  
  
Jamie: I don't know. He was in the kitchen the last time we saw him. He killed all of the others.  
  
Detective McKnight: That Michael sure loves killin' folks. His parents must have dropped him on his head when he was a baby.  
  
Jennifer: Can we just get the hell out of here?  
  
Detective McKnight: What's your damn hurry? I wanted to take a grand tour of this house of horrors.  
  
As the four of them walk out into the hall, they see Michael Myers. He is standing there watching them, still holding his knife. Detective McKnight arms his gun, ready for action.  
  
Detective McKnight: Stop right there, you old psycho. The jig is up, you knife-wielding maniac. Now I'm the star of the show and you're ass is just making a special appearance. Now drop the knife where I can put my mack down.  
  
Michael doesn't drop his knife. He continues to hold it tightly in his hand, his breathing can be heard clearly from all the way at the end of the hall.  
  
Jennifer: Detective, stop trying to be Dirty Harry and just shoot the bastard.  
  
Detective McKnight: All right, you asked for it. I'm gonna shoot your ass all the way to New York City.  
  
Detective McKnight rears his gun back and pulls the trigger. Nothing happens, for the gun has no bullets.  
  
Detective McKnight: Oh my goodness. We're all gonna die. I'll never see another Police Academy movie for as long as I live.  
  
Christopher: Isn't that a good thing.  
  
Jennifer: No we're not. We are not going to die.  
  
Detective McKnight: Well who made you boss.  
  
Jennifer: Me.  
  
Jennifer walks over to where Michael Myers is standing and stands right in front of him. Michael turns his head to the side, confused. Jennifer mocks him and does the same.  
  
Jennifer: You can't kill me, Michael. You want to know why. Because I'm already dead.  
  
Detective McKnight: What? This is some X-Files shit right here.  
  
Jennifer: So take your best shot.  
  
Michael takes his knife and stabs Jennifer is the heart. She just grabs the knife and removes it. She takes the knife and throws it behind Michael.  
  
Jennifer: You won't be needing that. Knives are for amateurs.  
  
Jennifer lifts her right leg and kicks Michael hard in the face. He goes down instantly. He then sits up before standing once again to face Jennifer.  
  
Jennifer: You want some more?  
  
Jennifer gives Michael a swift kick in the balls. He once again drops to the floor.  
  
Detective McKnight: That's my girl right there.  
  
Before Michael can get back up, Jennifer runs over and picks up Michael's knife. Jennifer runs over to where Michael is now standing and buries the knife deep in his left eye. Blood trickles from the eyehole of his mask. We see from Michael's POV that he cannot see clearly. He steps back and falls out of the upstairs window. We zoom in on his body, which is lying motionless on the lawn  
  
Christopher: Wow. What a night.  
  
Jamie: Hey Jennifer, how can you be dead?  
  
Jennifer: Well, I'm a vampire.  
  
Detective McKnight: I've always wanted to have sex with a vampire.  
  
Jamie: What do all of you say to calling it a night?  
  
Christopher: I say definitely.  
  
Jamie walks over to the window that Michael crashed through just minutes before. She looks out and terror fills her face. Michael's body is gone. Suddenly, there are loud footsteps coming up the stairs.  
  
Christopher: What is that?  
  
Before anyone can answer, Michael Myers appears in the hall. Jamie screams as she sees her psychotic uncle once more.  
  
Detective McKnight: Okay, I know I'm not that bright but how can that dude still be alive after he was stabbed and shot and who knows what else. Why won't he just die.  
  
Jamie: Didn't your mother ever tell you? Evil never dies.  
  
Detective McKnight / Eddie Griffin: Well, it better die in Halloween 9. I've got better things to do than appear in sequel after sequel.  
  
Director (waving his hands in the air): Cut. What are you doing, Eddie? That's not in the script.  
  
Michael Myers / Brad Loree: Yeah man. The script says that I'm supposed to stab you in the heart.  
  
Eddie Griffin: Take your script and shove it where the sun don't shine. If any of you need me I'll be in my dressing room.  
  
Eddie now looks at the camera and gives us a message.  
  
Eddie: For those precious few who are watching this, I only did this movie so that I could let each and everyone of you know that Michael Myers lives forever. He is alive. He is real. I once even shared a cab with the guy.  
  
Director (looking at the rest of the cast): What the hell is he doing?  
  
Eddie: Shut up, fool. I gotta do this. As I was saying, Michael Myers is as real as Pamela Anderson's titties, and a hell of a lot scarier. He is the shadow outside your door. He is the sound that you hear every night at your window. Hell, he's probably standing right behind you now ready to cut your throat. So you best be careful. Or you could be the next under the knife. Michael Myers is real. As real as snow. As real as rain. As real as pleasure, as real as pain.  
  
Director (O.S.): That's it. My career is definitely over.  
  
Eddie: He's as real as the Easter Bunnie and the Tooth Fairy too. He's even as real as Santa Clause and that pup named Scooby Doo.  
  
Director: Hey, if you're going to kill my movie could you at least do it quick.  
  
Eddie: I am doing it quick, you a-hole. I'm going to leave all of you guys with a few words of wisdom. Being that I'm a huge fan of Shaft, I have one last thing to say. Trick or treat, mother - shut yo mouth. Peace.  
  
Cut to:  
  
An old couple sitting in their living room  
  
Carol and Fred Driver, an old married couple, are sitting in their living room watching as the end credits of Halloween 8 flash before their eyes.  
  
Carol: Fred, did you like the movie? Fred? Are you listening to me?  
  
Fred (turning to face Carol): How could I not listen to you? You've been talking all night about something or another.  
  
Carol: Well, at least I talk. All you ever do is sit and act as if you're more dead than those kids that got killed in that horror movie we just watched.  
  
Fred: Oh, stop your complaining. That's all you ever do is complain.  
  
Carol: Well, if you were married to you, you would complain too.  
  
Fred: If I was married to me, maybe I would get some freakin' peace and quiet once and a freakin' while.  
  
Carol: I am not going to argue with you Fred.  
  
Fred: Well good.  
  
Carol: So, what did you think of the movie?  
  
Fred: What movie?  
  
Carol: The movie that we just watched, you dumbass.  
  
Fred: Oh yeah. That was sweet.  
  
Carol: Wasn't it though. It's nice to see that they are still making some nice family movies nowadays. I'm tired of all of that X-rated garbage like Toy Story and Shrek.  
  
Fred just happens to look out the window and catches a glimpse of someone standing outside. It takes him a while to focus on what he is really seeing, but then it becomes clear that it is Michael Myers.  
  
Fred: Oh my Lord in Heaven.  
  
Carol: What is it, hon?  
  
Fred: Michael Myers is outside. He's looking in at us.  
  
Carol: Who?  
  
Fred: Michael Myers from those Halloween movies. You know we just watched part 8, I think.  
  
Carol: Well invite that sucker in. I could use the company.  
  
THE END (UNTIL HALLOWEEN 9, THAT IS)  
  
FADE TO BLACK  
  
ROLL CREDITS 


End file.
